WOW! Can you believe it is June 30th? Half the year is gone. I know it has been a blur for you to date and you feel like everything is just out of control. That’s why I’m so glad you are finally meeting me here over a glass of wine so we can catch up. I know I haven’t always been very nice to you. In fact, at times I have been downright mean to you. I hold you to a higher standard than I hold anyone else to. I would never tell someone they were a failure because they haven’t accomplished anything they set out to do. The truth is I would never chastise anyone for anything and so I am genuinely sorry I don’t give you the same consideration. I see you. I see the way you are struggling to find your way. I know that you can see there is more waiting for you but you don’t know what direction to take to get there so you just stay still. I see you trying to defeat all your demons and I’m proud of you for finally forgiving yourself. It was nice to hear you say the words “I forgive you” and finally bury all those skeletons once and for all. I’ve told you a lot of lies. You ARE a good mother. Yes you made mistakes but haven’t we all. You’ve punished yourself long enough. I know you’ve always believed you weren’t good enough and I also know why you felt that way, but if I asked your children what they thought, they would say you taught them the meaning of unconditional love because that is how you loved them. Believe it or not, that IS how they love you in return. They don’t see an imperfect Mom. They see someone who gave her all to give them the best she had to give. They see a Mom who started over with nothing not once but twice. They see your true strength where all you see is weakness. Yes you had some bad years, some really ugly years in fact, but you aren’t that person anymore. I know how you feel about the things your kids were subjected to. The endless outbursts and horrible fights they witnessed between you and their Dad. You wish you had done better. I get it. But you got out and you DID do better. So please stop beating yourself up over what you can’t go back and change and lift your chin and hold your head high because you have made tremendous strides.
Do you remember New Years Eve? Do you remember sitting at the table with Brittany so full of excitement and filled with promise for 2019. You slogan was Stronger. You were going to finally embrace who you are and all you are to the people around you. Remember:
“You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em
what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y”
That was going to be your theme in 2019. And I know things happened and I know you got derailed but truly you have to admit that you just quit on yourself. Maybe you couldn’t train to run a 5K but you could have kept walking. You could have controlled what you fueled your body with. And now you’re halfway through the year and still in much the same place as you started, but it’s not too late. It is never too late. And you can own that now and admitting you have a problem is the first step in solving it. I know it’s not easy but if you don’t believe in your own ability, I promise you no one else will. No one else can do the work for you. It’s starts inside of you. You’ve started. That’s a step in the right direction. Listen, I know that I have always been your worst enemy. No one could ever be harder on you than I was. I know I’ve stood in your way so much of the time and I’ve fed you lies about who you are, about what defines you, about what you can and can’t do. I would like to change that if you’ll let me. I would really like for us to be friends. I would like to walk beside you as you choose a new path. Can we do that? Together? I bet if I get out of your way you will be unstoppable!! It won’t happen overnight and I know it won’t be easy but I believe in you. Will you trust yourself? Will you commit? Not every day will be a good one but how about if we start with writing out a plan of action? We can outline what you want to accomplish just over the next few weeks and what you need to do to get there. And if you will commit to taking the first few steps I will commit to checking in with you everyday over the next month to see how you are doing. We can sit together at the end of each day even if just for a few minutes and see how you are doing. You have so many people who love you and are in your corner. I know you don’t always believe that. I know you feel like you let everyone down all the time but you don’t. The only person you let down is yourself. You don’t have to “earn” anything from anyone. It’s either there or it’s not and neither one have anything to do with you. Everyone is just out there fighting much the same battles in different ways. You’re not so different. I promise I will do my best to tell you a different story from now on. But please above all else remember you are loved because you are love. You can do this Kitty. I know you can. So let’s tackle the second half of this year like a champion. What do you say? Let’s unearth your potential!!!
PS…and for the love of God PLEASE stop listening to people who tell you that you are just too sensitive. You’re not! You’re empathy and compassion are a gift. Give them to yourself too 💕