The Ocean-written on 3.17.19

I have never been to California.  I would most likely have never come to this amazingly beautiful place if my daughter had not accepted an incredible job offer and subsequently relocated her family here.  But today I am blessed to be writing this in my daughters living room after a wonderful day at the beach!  I love the ocean.  The ocean is my happy place, the place I can renew and refresh my soul.  I never really grasped how different the Atlantic coastline was from the Pacific. On the East Coast it is miles of sandy beaches for as far as you can see.  Here in CA the beaches are a blend of sand and rock and bluffs that all combine for an absolutely stunning affect.  One of my new found passions is photography. Today I walked the beach for a very long way and I took so many photos with my Canon Rebel trying so hard to freeze the moment and capture the beauty I was seeing.  At one point though I put my camera down and I sat on a rock and I just soaked it all in.  The ocean, with it’s rolling waves and crests breaking over the rocks, is so powerful.  When I stand on the beach I fully grasp the magnitude of our universe and my small place in it.  When you stand in the surf and the waves come and knock you over it takes a minute to catch your footing and stand back up until the next wave hits.  Sometimes the waves come in so rapidly you don’t even have time to catch your footing and you have to really struggle to stand back up.  Life is like that.  Moments come in waves.  Some of them knock us off our feet and we have to scramble to catch ourselves before the next wave.  Sometimes we can and then sometimes we can’t.  It would be so easy to just sit down and let the tide carry us away when we are tired of fighting the waves.  But we can’t.  We have to stand back up, again and again and again.  But each time we stand, we become more prepared for the next wave.  And that’s how we withstand the things that come at us, by becoming stronger, by being more prepared.  Self care, this thing we are all struggling to learn, that prepares us.  Only when we take care of ourselves are we in a place to face what comes at us, whether it be a small swell or a tsunami that wrecks our world.  I needed this time away from home, away from the rehab facility and my biological Fathers new blindness (which is another story), away from work and going non stop. I needed this time here in this beautiful place with my daughter and my granddaughter.  I needed to take this time for myself,  to get in touch with me.  To find my calm in all the chaos.  And for me~and my empathic Pisces soul~that is found at the beach.  I have 8 more days here.  I will be finding time to go back the beach, not with a camera this time but with a notebook.   My family~my children and my grandchildren~they are my reason for everything.  They are my anchors.  This trip has been the best gift I gave myself.  I have been able to bond with Maya in a new way.  Today was my little leprechauns 3rd Birthday and to be here and to spend it with her was a blessing of epic proportions.  My week has been filled with days at the park, and snuggling to watch movies, and bedtime stories and songs while I stroke her pretty hair.  She lays her head in my lap and my heart just swells.  When you are a Mom you think you could never love a child more than your own, and then you become a Grandma and you do.  You have a whole new dynamic where your job is just to love them.  There have been a couple times over the course of the week where Maya has had an emotional meltdown typical of a 3 yr old and man is it hard to watch her cry.  It’s hard to hear her say “but Daddy please, please Daddy”-and being a good parent means Daddy says no and doesn’t budge.  I don’t interfere.  I don’t have to interfere.  My daughter and her husband are amazing parents so interfering doesn’t even enter my mind.  And when all is said and done and she needs someone to come and cry to, I will hold her and wipe her tears.  That’s my only job as Grandma. . And being G is pretty stinking awesome if you ask me.

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